


I wish I could unlove you.

by mw4vt9



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, This is just an excuse to write Lena/Sara smut while being true to my OTP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-07 01:23:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17950952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mw4vt9/pseuds/mw4vt9
Summary: Sara's heartbroken over Ava and Lena's heartbroken over Alex.  When the two decide to drown their sorrows, they find themselves tangled together, spending the night in Lena's bedroom, unoccupied by anyone but her since Alex.  Lena has no idea who Sara is, and is shocked when at game night, Sara is there giggling and drinking with the object of Lena's sorrow.  When Alex finds out, it's an explosion of emotion and anger and confusion.  Enough to make Alex admit that she isn't ready to be over either.





	I wish I could unlove you.

"I'm sorry," Ava hesitates, speaking softly, "if you're just going to keep playing Legend, I can't."

"Why can't I do both?" Sara asks, defeat clearly on her face.

"I want a normal life Sara, away from the Time Bureau and monsters and clones.  I want a house and kids and a wife."

"I want that too," Sara whispers.

"When though?" Ava counters, arms crossed across her chest.

"I don't know," Sara concedes.  It's quiet for a few minutes, both staring at each other, neither really wanting to be the one that makes the move towards the door.

"I just can't," Ava says, breaking the silence, the final straw breaking the ice.

Sara turns then, walking out, not bothering to look back, never wanting Ava to see the tears streaming down her face.

Sara drives off, sitting in her car by the Waverider, angry and sad, tears still wet on her cheeks.  She wants to go inside, have a drink, and toss herself into her bed, but that feels like too many memories and too much sadness because she's certain her sheets still smell like Ava, Ava's jacket is probably still lying over the back of her chair.

It's rash, Sara knows, but she makes the split second decision to spend some time off this Earth, away from the people and memories that threaten to overwhelm her.  So, Sara programs the jump ship for Earth-38, set of finding Alex and losing herself in getting drunk with her friend.

__

Lena is too tired to even think straight this morning as she stands in line, trying to be patient waiting for her coffee and espresso shots.  She ignores the sound behind her, the quiet chuckle and voice that she knows belongs to Alex, because of course Alex would be here too.  She'd been the one that introduced this coffee shop to Lena in the first place.

Lena orders and waits, knowing that as each person clears away from the register, Alex gets closer.

She chances a glance, her stomach turning at the sight of Alex, talking and laughing with a woman that Lena has never seen before.  She's got dark hair, is casually touching Alex's arm, and throws her head back as she laughs.  She's flirting, that's obvious, but what hurts most is the way Alex flirts back, running her fingers through her hair, sending the girl a wink.  Because Lena misses running her fingers through that hair, misses standing in this same line with Alex's arm wrapped around her, misses Alex holding her hand until they get to L Corp, soft kisses and giggles exchanged before Lena went into the office with a huge smile on her face.

"Lena," the barista calls, Lena turning her attention towards getting her coffee, but she knows, she knows Alex heard it.

When Lena turns, she's standing there, that same woman standing next to her.

"Hey," Alex says softly, that same sweet smile on her face.

"Good morning," Lena says curtly, taking a sip of the much needed coffee.  The woman looks at Alex, back to Lena, and back to Alex.

"This is Taylor," Alex blurts out.  "She's new at the DEO."

"Lena," Lena says, reaching out to firmly shake her hand.

It's awkward, a heavy pause between them.

"I'll see you at game night tomorrow night?" Alex asks, expression hopeful.

"You will," Lena says, turning on her heels.  She gets outside before her eyes cloud over, tears threatening to fall.

She wipes it away, steel resolve crossing her features on the way to the office.

__

Sara knocks on Alex's door after taking over an hour to find the place, not surprised in the slightest that no one answers.  It's not even seven in the afternoon, and she's sure that Alex is probably gallivanting around the city playing hero.

Sara does the next best thing.  She goes to the first bar she finds, and starts drinking, content on drowning her sorrow in bourbon that burns when it goes down.

It's about thirty minutes later, Sara well on the edge of tipsy, when a woman slides into the seat beside her, ordering scotch in a voice that sounds like heaven to Sara's ears.

They drink in silence for a drink or two, Sara trying to subtly check out the woman next to her, that familiar sensation of recklessness crashing over her the drunker she gets.  The booze settles in her stomach, her broken heart getting further away with each clink of ice on glass, until she gets up the courage to completely look at the woman.

She's breathtaking, long dark hair, and a striking jaw line, a dress that hugs her curves, well past sexy enough to be a rebound for her.

She turns to look at Sara then, taking her in for a second.

"I'll have what she's having," Sara says when the bartender comes back.

"What are we drinking to?" the woman asks, voice tense.

"Heartache," Sara answers quickly, "is there anything else to drink to?"

"Beautiful woman," she says.  Sara's not sure if she's flirting or answering the question.

"Beautiful woman just cause heartache," Sara sends back, not in the mood necessarily to flirt or seduce, even though she's more than interesting in forgetting her problems with this attractive stranger.

"That they do," she responds, quiet for long enough for them both to finish their drinks.  "I'm Lena," she says as she sits her drink down.  Sara thinks about lying, but what's the point in that?

"Sara," she says, "who are you drinking to forget?"  It's personal, probably a little too personal, but Sara wants to wallow a bit in it, help her realize why she doesn't fall in love.

"My ex," Lena says then scoffs, "if you'd even call it that, but I'd rather not talk about it."

"Fine by me," Sara barely gets out before the woman sighs, voice raised slightly when she begins talking.  "She kissed me," Lena says, voice shaking in memory.  "She kissed me and took me out on dates and held my hand, and I've never in my life imagined that I could be with someone like her, someone brave and sweet and hard working and loving.  When that intensity is focused on you, it was like you were the only person in the world."

"What happened?" Sara asks.  She watches her eyes widen, opening her mouth, closing it, and shaking her head.

"There were some complications with her family," Lena says, and Sara doesn't push.  The tone in her voice is clear that she doesn't want to talk about it any deeper than that.  "What about you?"

"Girlfriend of three years broke up with me because I'm not ready to leave my job for a house in suburbia and kids," Sara says, hurt, quickly taking a drink to cover it up.

"That sounds like a dream," Lena admits quietly, thinking about the fantasies of doing that with Alex she'd let herself conjure up while they were together.

"My job is more than any dream I could ever have," Sara says.

"You're a lot like her," Lena says, referring to her ex.  "She was married to the job too, but I can't fault her for that, I am too."

It's quiet again as they drink, Sara well past drunk at this point.  "Look," Sara says, "we can sit here and drink and wallow, which is fine."  Sara takes a quick drink, taking a deep breath, "or you can take me back to your place, we can fuck and forget for just a little while that life is shitty."

Sara watches the strangers face is quiet contemplation before she nods.  "Follow me," the woman says, throwing money on the bar as she takes Sara's hand.

__

It's odd to walk into her apartment with someone else, someone that isn't Alex, walking behind her.  Sara doesn't kick her shoes off like Alex would, doesn't throw her jacket over the chair, Alex's still hanging there. Lena tries as hard as she can to push it out of her mind, to focus on Sara's hands currently gripping at her hips, Sara's mouth settling right next to her ear, tries to ignore the way her body wants to move away from it.

Lena turns, pulling Sara into a kiss.  It takes a little too long for them to find their rhythm, mouths not fitting together the way hers would with Alex's.  Lena is patient, letting them find their groove, as Sara nibbles on her lip, tongue swiping into her mouth.  Sara's insistent with her hands and mouth, taking control like Alex always would.  She backs Lena towards the kitchen island, helping her sit on it, with strong hands.

Sara pulls away, kissing Lena's neck as she trails her hands down to the the bottom of Lena's dress.  Sara pulls up, Lena lifting so that the dress bunches above her hips.  She can't stop the memories of Alex in this moment.  Alex taking her dress off, trailing kisses down exposed skin, lifting Lena to sit her on the edge of the counter, giving her an adoring look.

Sara doesn't take the time to be loving, doesn't pause to kiss her, just spreads her legs, quickly pulling Lena's underwear down and off.

She bites Lena's inner thigh, moving higher until she runs her tongue up Lena's slit.  Lena's hips shudder, trying to move against Sara, but it takes her a second to match Sara's rhythm.  She moves faster than Alex, more insistent.  Sara sucks on her clit, sparks shooting through Lena until she grips hard into Sara's hair.

Sara doesn't relent, sucks hard and flicks quickly over her clit until Lena's wetness coats her chin, until Lena comes with a loud groan.

Sara stands, wiping Lena's wetness off of her chin, smile cocky.

Sara lifts Lena then, carrying her towards the bedroom after Lena points it out.  Sara drops her on the bed, letting Lena finish undressing while she does before Sara's lies on top of her, letting her body weight rest into Lena.  Sara's lighter than Alex, body a little bit more firm in places.  They're kissing, mostly tongues moving together while Sara works her hand between Lena's legs, and Lena is dying to push Sara towards her chest.  Alex always, always took the time to worship Lena's chest, to the point that she'd have to force her to move on.  Lena remembers, Lena knows, that Sara isn't here for that, just satisfaction, just forgetting.

Lena forces herself again to forget about Alex just as Sara slips her fingers inside of Lena.  Lena meets each thrust, Sara adding a third finger, the stretch enough to completely distract her mind.  Sara's fingers curl, finding that spot inside of her initially, Lena's toes curling as Sara bounces against it.

When Sara's mouth finally closes over Lena's nipple, she comes, Sara's name on her lips.

Sara eases her through it, sliding her fingers out and wiping them on the sheets.  "Tired?" Sara asks, that same cocky smile on her face.

Lena presses forward, flipping them until she lands on top of Sara.

"You wish," Lena says, leaning down into Sara, Alex completely out of her mind.

__

Lena wakes up the next morning alone, sheets cold on the side Sara had fallen asleep on.

Lena gets up closely, slipping her feet into her slippers, quickly throwing on a hoodie that only takes her seconds to realize belongs to Alex.  She takes a mug out of the cabinet, not looking at it until the coffee is made and poured.  Of course it's Alex's mug.

Her choice of sleeping with Sara now feels like she's being taunted for it.  It's stupid, no real reason for it, but she feels like she has cheated on Alex, like she's made a huge mistake.  There is an uneasy feeling resting in Lena's stomach, and she has no idea why.

Just as Lena takes a sip of her coffee, she remembers game night, and that she'll be seeing Alex that night.  The guilt in the pit of her stomach feels even worse.

__

Lena takes a deep breath to steady herself in the hallway before she knocks, trying to calm down and remember that she's here to mend her friendship with Kara, a person who just happens to be Alex's sister. 

The door flies open, Kara wrapped her tight in her arms.

"Where are you going after this?" Is the first thing Kara asks, surprising Lena.

"No where," Lena questions curiously.

"Oh," Kara says, leading her inside, "that's your cleavage showing off shirt that you wear when you go out."

Lena laughs, blushing.  She'd picked it out for that exact reason, knowing it'd be something that specifically made Alex feel a little crazy at the sight of it.

Lena looks up as the room goes slightly quiet, locking eyes with Alex before she turns to the woman next to her, a sharp flash of recognition on both of their faces.  The entire room is quiet as Alex looks between Lena and Sara, Kara looking at all three of them, Winn ignoring them in favor of his video game.

"No," is the word that breaks the silence, Kara's shoulders slumping at the hurt sound in her sister's voice.

No one says anything for what feels like forever.  "It was her, wasn't it?" Alex questions, voice dangerous, a subtle hint of the power coiled underneath.

At the slight nod of Sara's head, Alex moves, past Lena and her sister, out the door into the hallway, slamming the door behind her.

"What just happened?" Kara asks even though something in her mind knows.

"I slept with Lena," Sara admits, shoulders slumped in defeat.

"You two don't even know each other," Kara looks confused, looking back and forth between them.

"We met at a bar last night.  I told Alex about it this morning.  I just didn't say who, assumed they wouldn't know each other," Sara shrugs, feeling hurt herself at hurting one of her best friends.

"I'll go," Sara says, moving towards the door.

"Oh no," Kara says, stepping in front of her.  "I am not breaking up a fight between the two of you.  I will go."

"No," Lena stops her.  "It needs to be me."

Kara looks like she's going to pout, but she doesn't.  She slumps, nodding to let Lena know that she's right, that the two of them are the only ones who can figure this out.

__

Lena's surprised when she opens the door, and Alex is still standing in the hallway.  The tears on her face are furious, angry where she leans against the wall, eyes closed.

"I'm fine Kara," Alex says.

"Not Kara," Lena says, Alex's eyes slowly opening.  "And I'd like to know why you just stormed out of that apartment."

"You slept with Sara," Alex pushes off the wall, voice raised just slightly.

"I didn't know she was your friend, nor was I very concerned how you would feel about it," Lena responds back, voice cold.

She expects Alex to blow up, expects Alex to yell and scream, but she doesn't.

"Don't do that with me," Alex says quietly.  "Don't say things that you know are going to hurt or get a rise out of me.  I'm not in the mood."

Neither one of them say anything at all for a long minute, both staring at each other.

"You didn't want to be with me," Lena says.

"After everything," Alex says, Lena knowing she's referring to Lena finding out that Kara was Supergirl, "I couldn't be there for both of you."

"But you picked your sister," Lena says, hurt clear in her voice, "I'm not faulting you for that, but you can't be mad at me for this.  You threw it away."

"And I'm an idiot," Alex voice is louder than she means for it to be.  "I was giving you time.  I just thought we'd get back to each other eventually.  I guess I was wrong," Alex shrugs, defeated.

"If you think for one second that I would have rather spent the night with Sara than you, you are completely fucking wrong," Lena says, fresh tears in her eyes.

Alex looks up at her then, stares right at her.  "You mean that?" Alex asks softly, and Lena snaps.

"I told you I fucking loved you," Lena yells.  "I still sleep in your hoodie, you idiot."

Alex look taken back, Lena surprised by her own outburst, but it's not surprising when it's Alex.  The emotions there were always so deep.

"I just," Alex starts, but stops, looking helplessly at Lena.

"Why are you mad about Sara?" Lena asks, giving Alex one more time to tell the truth.

"Because I don't want you with anyone but me," Alex answers honestly.

"Then, I am yours," Lena says, voice steady and sure.  She uncrosses her arms, knowing what's coming the minute that Alex relaxes just a little bit.  Alex takes a step towards her, that wild look in Alex's eyes that is always thrilling.

They kiss, coming together, snapping into place like they were always meant to be.  It's a firm press of lips, Alex's strong arms wrapping around her tightly.  Lena melts into it, into how perfect it feels to have Alex this close to her.

"Take me home," Lena whispers against Alex's lips.

"There is no way I am going to your place," Alex says.  "We can burn your bed, get you a new one, and then I'll go home with you."

"To your place then?" Lena giggles, between kisses.

"To my place," Alex says, taking her hand.  She doesn't even think about leaving without telling Kara or Sara anything.

__

They're kissing before they even get into Alex's apartment, the key falling to the floor twice before they pull apart just long enough to get the door open.

"I missed you," Alex says, serious.

"Show me," Lena says back before they're kissing, lips molding together easily, like puzzle pieces sliding together perfectly.  Alex takes her time to kiss Lena, just lips moving together before she pulls away, trailing kisses across Lena's cheek, down her neck and up, stopping at Lena's ear.

"Sara doesn't know about this," Alex says before she kisses right behind Lena's ear, a shudder racking through her body.

Lena moans as Alex does it again, sliding lower across her neck, sucking a red spot on top of her collar bone.

"I love this shirt," Alex says, mouth still moving across the exposed skin of Lena's chest.

"That might be why I wore it," Lena teases, smiling at Alex.

Alex kisses her then, hands going around Lena's backside to her thighs, lifting her up quickly and easily.  Lena wraps her legs around Alex, happy to have her pressed against her.  Alex walks towards the bed then, easily stepping up the two steps, to set Lena on the side.  Alex drops to her knees in front of her, kissing her again, tongue finally swiping into Lena's mouth.

Lena grips Alex's hair, running her fingers over the shaved parts that she has missed so much as they kiss.  Alex is slow in her movements, taking her time to kiss Lena, to really feel it, and Lena's body burns for more.

Alex's hands trail down her back, slowly and softly, skimming under the hem of Lena's shirt, repeated the movements up and down her spine across Lena's skin.  She finally moves to lift the shirt away, taking the moment to unhook Lena's bra and remove it.

Alex leans back then, eyes roaming over Lena's chest back to her face.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," Alex says, grinning at her.

"Tease," Lena says as Alex's nails continue to run up and down her spine.

Alex kisses lightly, right over her heart, before she continues lower, nipping at the swell of Lena's breast, hands kneading the soft flesh of her breast.  Alex is slow, tongue barely running small circles around her nipple before she nibbles lightly.  Lena groans, pushing her chest forward to get Alex to do more.  Alex takes the weight of Lena's breast in her hand, pushing up on it to knead as she sucks Lena's nipple more firmly into her mouth, other hand pinching Lena's other nipple.  It's absolutely tortuous heaven, Lena lost in the sensation of it all.  Alex takes her time, alternating between each breast until Lena feels like she's melting under her, body hot with each trail of Alex's tongue across heated skin.

Alex unhooks her jeans, mouth never leaving Lena's chest, standing with Lena to keep her mouth latched to her.  Alex finally pulls away to take her jeans off, holding Lena's hand while she steps out of them.

Alex pulls her into another kiss, like she can't help it, like she could do it forever.

Alex lifts her again, setting Lena down on the bed gently.  Lena gets to watch as Alex undresses, quick to kick off her shoes and pants first.

"Fuck," Lena breaths out when Alex gets her shirt off, somehow the V in her hips is deeper than it had been.  "You've been working out?"

"Didn't have much else to do," Alex asks her as she grins down at Lena.

"I want your hands all over me," Lena whispers, "your mouth here," she points to her lips.  Alex gets it, quickly moving to get the strap on.

She takes just a few seconds to get into it before she's back on the bed, kneeling between Lena's spread legs.

"I said I wanted you up here," Lena says, voice thick with arousal.

"Got to get you warmed up baby," Alex says as she leans in, tongue exploring all over Lena's slick walls.  Alex circles her entrance, making broad stokes with her tongue up and down her slit.  Alex barely circles her clit when Lena comes, Alex's name falling easily off her lips.

Alex moves away slightly, running her fingers over Lena, collecting the wetness there to smear it across the head of the strap on.

She lines up, easily sliding into Lena, the CEO's eyes widening the deeper Alex gets.

Their pelvises touch, Alex leaning forward until she can kiss her.  Alex's hands go behind Lena's neck, pulling her up slightly to meet her lips.  Alex's first movement is slow, in and out at a maddening pace, languidly running her tongue against Lena's.  Lena waits for her to speed up, but she doesn't.

"Please," Lena whispers, breath landing on Alex's lips.  Alex picks up the pace, the only sound being Lena's moans and their skin coming together, pulling apart as Alex withdraws, just to slide back inside.

Lena feels it building, starting in her toes, pulses that feel like lightening running up her spine, collecting and building.  Alex thrusts, harder with each movement until that building coil in Lena's pelvis snaps, leg's shaking, fingernails digging into the flesh of Alex's back.  Alex stills, kissing every spot on Lena's face lightly, chest heaving.  She slides out when Lena's eyes open, grinning up at her.

"Flip over baby," Lena grins, watching Alex do the same.

Lena kisses her, soft and tender and slow, before she moves to Alex's neck, kissing her way to her chest.  Lena doesn't tease Alex, instead flicking her tongue over her nipple rapidly, working Alex up.

Lena moves then, straddling Alex's hips.  She sinks down on the strap on, still when it's all the way in.  Lena shifts her hips forward and back the base of the strap on grinding into Alex's clit with each rut of her hips.

"Holy fuck," Alex says, watching Lena closely.  Lena circles her hips, over and over again at a maddening pace, enough to take Alex to the edge but not send her over it.

Alex reaches blindly, gripping Lena's hand.  Lena's hips rock forward, picking up her pace.  Alex comes, Lena's name on her lips, eyes unfocused as Lena slows down her movements.  Lena sits there quietly, waiting for Alex to open her eyes again.  Alex sends her a love sick smile, Lena leaning over to kiss her.  Alex uses the change in position to thrust into Lena, Alex swallowing the moan that leaves her mouth.

Lena kisses her, lost in it, as Alex's hips lift off the bed, brushing her walls with each push forward and back of the strap on.

It's emotional when their eyes lock, Lena's vision hazy as she flies over the edge, Alex always there to anchor her as she comes back down.

"Don't leave me again," Lena says, serious.

"I would never."

__

"Look what the cat dragged in," Sara teases, watching Alex and Lena walk up, holding hands and giggling.

"Stuff it Lance," Alex says as they join Sara and Kara, Kara already having consumed at least two plates of pancakes.

"Watch it Danvers," Sara says back, throwing a napkin.

"You watch it," Alex teases.  "I can't believe you slept with my girlfriend."

Sara says, "I didn't know she was your girlfriend," at the same time Lena says, "I was not your girlfriend."

Kara laughs between bites of food, happy to eat while her favorite people use humor to settle their differences.

"So," Sara begins, that sly grin on her face, "who is better?" She looks at Lena, eyebrows raised.  "Because I know Alex was a baby gay when I taught her a few things so I hope that's translated."

Kara spits her food out, Alex stammering as Lena laughs.

"You two slept together?" Lena asks, giggling at Alex's reaction.

"It was on another earth," Alex grumbles, "doesn't count."

Lena takes pity on her girl, smiling at Alex.  "Sara you were a good time, but there is nothing quite like my Tiger."

Sara bursts into laughter, Alex's face going red.  "Tiger?" Sara says through full belly laughs.

"If you tell anyone I will kill you," Alex threatens.

"Oh," Sara says pulling out her phone, "I'm already texting all the Legends and Oliver about it."

"Don't you dare," Alex says as Sara stands, Alex darting after Sara and the phone in her hand as she takes off.

"Children," Kara says, sipping orange juice, the irony of it lost on her.  "So, you two are really back together?"

"Really," Lena smiles, expression soft.

"I'm sorry I caused you two to break up," Kara says quietly.

"It's ok, Kara," Lena says.  "I didn't fall in love with Alex because of you though, so even all of that, doesn't make me not love her."

Alex and Sara come back then both panting and out of breath.

"Tell them," Alex shrugs, "but make sure you don't leave out the part where she said I was better in bed."

The conversation ends when Sara throws a biscuit at Alex, Kara catching it, and throwing it right back at Sara.

"Our earth, our rules," Kara says, always ready to defend her sister.

Sara makes the decision then to head back, to talk to Ava, try to figure it out.  Because if she loves Ava half as much as Alex loves Lena, from the lovesick eyes and quick kisses, Sara knows there has to be a middle ground, has to be a way to get back to that.

Alex hugs Sara hours later, walking her towards the jump ship.

"I told you there was someone out there for you," Sara says, grinning proudly.

Alex smiles wide.  "Go get the girl Lance.  She's worth it."

"You make sure you keep your girl Danvers," Sara throws over her shoulder.

Out of the window of the jump ship, Sara watches Alex pull Lena into a hug.  Sara programs the coordinates.

If you had told Sara Lance yesterday she'd be on another earth, sleeping with another woman, who just happened to be in love Alex Danvers and best friends with Kara, she'd have laughed in your face.  In a strange way though, it's exactly what she needed.


End file.
